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Pencil and Pen shabbat

Unfinished story ahead!

"Tonight we have to avoid completion of things, like, y'know ..." - Pen
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Asterisk Hedge

Warning!

"Wot'n ale's fozz'r'ye doin'?" - Pencil
This page contains profanity, like the sentence above. I have created two ways to censor those words, but I've also discovered that on mobile view, they lie uncensored. So please, show some cognoscience about what you may see.

If you do have a problem with profanity, please refer to this page § 3.

"Spineless to the Bone" is a new episode of Pencil 2.O, and until recently, there has been neither number nor date associated. In this episode, the alliance catches up on the lives of their old friends. It also features several guest stars.

ShōhakokuEdit

  • Match: Thanks for inviting me with you, guys!
  • Pen: Match, we never invited you to this date.
  • Pencil: Aye, an' shoul'n'ee supposed to take care o' the kids when we've to be gone?
  • Match: Don't worry, they're in the care of a Needy.

[A long arm comes into the scene and slaps her.]

  • Match: And I thought you invited me!
  • Pencil: Hmm … right'o, I've done so!
  • Pen: In that case, please stay with us as long as you need!
  • Match: Mm-hmm.

[Caldera walks by.]

  • Caldera: Need anything else?
  • Pen: No thanks.
  • Pencil: We're good.
  • Caldera: K.
  • Match: Omg, I see you've got the new modern slang package!
  • Caldera: Wass'a that supposed to mean?

[She walks away.]

  • Pencil: Shut the front door!
  • Match: Penc-penc, you know this restaurant opens from the back!
  • Pencil: No, check this out!

[They gather around the phone.]

  • Pencil: Check yer own phone, mates, I don't wan' yer coffee breath up in me MyPhone.
  • Pen: Coffee breath?
  • Match: This is an Internet clubhouse.

[They open their UsoKitabu.]

  • Pen: No way!
  • Match: What is it?
  • Pen: BFDI's having a reunion!

HomeEdit

  • Match: I can't believe I wasn't invited to a reunion … and of my own show!
  • Pencil: To be hones', you did 'ate BFDI with a passion.
  • Match: I know that, but I can't even … like, think of a reason why they wouldn't want to invite me out of all people.
  • Pen: I can think of a couple reasons—
  • Pencil: Pen!
  • Pen: Sorry honey.

[Enter some of the kids.]

  • Saye: Hey!
  • Sio: What's all this talk about reasons and stuff?
  • Pencil: We're jus' talkin' about our BFDI reunion—
  • Match: That I'm not going to!
  • Ximena: Well, good luck with that!
  • Sio: Wait, what's a reunion?
  • Javier: A class reunion is a meeting of former classmates, typically organized at or near their former school by one or a group of the class members on or around an anniversary of their graduation, e.g. 5 years later. Former teachers may be invited as well. They reminisce about their school days and bring each other up to date on what has happened since they went their separate ways.
  • Zorah: And whom do you cite for that book, huh?
  • Javier: Fikipedia!
  • Pen: Ah, Fikipedia, lan' of 'ypocrisy.[1]
  • Saye: Now I want to have my class reunion!
  • Match: Well, you can't.
  • Saye: Huh?
  • Pen: The school disbanded high school reunions 10 years ago. The population of Kenya grew, and so did the fertility rate. People started bringing their kids, and it got so crowded the photo booth shut down due to health concerns.
  • Salvador: Ha!
  • Sio: So when is it?
  • Pencil: Wednesday at eight.
  • Saye: Mum, you can't do that!
  • Zorah: That's our junior orchestra concert!
  • Pencil: Well, I can skip thet, right?
  • Zorah: Come on, people! Do you really want to think of yourself as the varsity guy and queen bee of the past, or as proud parents of two kids who knows we gonna do well at her concert?
  • Qalam-Rassas: Applause! Applause!
  • Zorah: Why aren't you clapping?
  • Pen: Gee, I haven't thought about that. I guess we'll just need to skip the reunion.
  • Pencil: I'm okay with thet, an' besides, it can't 'arm us in 'indsight.

Emiliano Figueroa Larraín AuditoriumEdit

  • Zorah: Now we would like to mom— commemorate, I mean, swed— finish this song to all of the fans of peoples like the Gi— Gilbert and Sus— Sus—llivan out there, as the CIDC Junior Orchestra presents to all of the people the— song of the I Have a Song to Sing, O!
  • All the couples: Awwwwww!
  • Zorah: Should have given Avi the speech role.
  • Ms. Orpheidi: Psst, Ora, your mic's still on.

[She returns to her seat, barely embarrassed.]

  • Pen: This song makes me think of our pre-BFDI personas.
  • Pencil: Oi, shut up so I can cherish these memories.

[The band plays the song.]

After the concertEdit

  • Pen: Do we have to do this? Long lines give me PTSD.
  • Pencil: So do loud an' surprisin' noises!
  • Pen: What?
  • Pencil: [clapping her hands in front of his face] BAM!
  • Pen: Don't kill me!
  • Pencil: Sh'ail'p, m8. We don' want to cause a larger scene than wot were presented ter us … An' besides we don' want our children ter ask—
  • Javier: Where's dad?
  • Pencil: Thet li'le son of a dead lass jus' left with the others.
  • Zorah: I'm still should be fazed by the speech.

In the school lobbyEdit

  • Yaretzi: Daddy, can we go for an ice cream after?
  • Pen: Probably not, your brother and sister need to drop their instruments and music home and then we need to— OMBL!
  • Saye: You're not trying to embarrass me again, dad, innit?
  • Pen: No…t that I'm aware of. But do you see that guy?
  • Sio: The one wearing that shirt that says—
  • Pen: No, the one next to him! We served in the Army together, where he never called me by actual name but my enlisting last name of—
  • Firey: SOFER!
  • Pen: Whatever your last name is!
  • Saye: Omg, you're Firey from BFDI!
  • Firey: That's right! You know I won, right?
  • Qalam-Rassas: Wow!
  • Citlali: You know we stopped watching once our mother got eliminated.
  • Pen: Now, Lallie, we congratulate each others' achievements, even if you missed … seriously, even the finale? That was when your mum told me to let go of my pain when the prize— we'd better binge watch later.
  • Firey: Are you babysitting these?
  • Pen: No, they're my children, well, half of them. Meet Sio, Yaretzi, Citlali, Saye and Qalam-Rassas.
  • [ Saye · Sio ]: We were named after our [ parents! · sandwiches! ]
  • Saye: We really need to get those sentence things done do-it.
  • Firey: Ah, self-centred as usual, just like in the past! [to the kids] Your father was one of the cockiest guys in high school.
  • Sio: Then it's a pleasure to be a descendant of such cockiness.
  • Pencil: [arriving with the others] Who's a wot now? Wait, OMG, it's Firey! Kids, we were in both seasons o' BFDI am' BFDIA together! Wot brings'ee here?
  • Firey: I was just watching my nephew perform!
  • Zorah: Fulgencio Firsen on the bass clarinet? He was so bad I tried hitting him with my flute during practice.
  • Pencil: A- an' by bad, she means good. Right Zorah?
  • Zorah: Sure.
  • Javier: Oh my goodness, you're Firey from BFDI! We stopped watching when mother got eliminated, but I think you won!
  • Pencil: As you can see, me Avi's got 'is father's gene of delayed reactions.
  • Firey: It's okay. Once in our service days Sofs ducked a few minutes after a missile passed by the area. Hey, who's hungry?
  • Yaretzi: How about some ice cream?
  • Firey: I could go for that!
  • Citlali: Ha!
  • Pen: What about delayed reactions?

Icy's CreamEdit

  • Pencil: Is this place new?
  • Pen: I've never eaten here before.
  • Firey: Really? It's where most of the old BFDI and BFDIA contestants took refuge after 5e ended. Well, here, Gelatin's Steakhouse and Fries Not Served. They hang out here, chat and feast on frozen paradise with their old friends from the show.
  • Zorah: Probably why we never eat here.
  • Pencil: Ora …
  • Pen: So how has life been going after the show ended?
  • Firey: It was nice. Everyone knows who I am now.
  • Pen: Found a girl yet?
  • Pencil: Married'e?
  • Zorah: Did that—
  • Firey: No, no, and not exactly. See, I've been going around town, looking for a woman that can satisfy my poor, unfortunate heart.
  • Pen: I'm pretty sure that's illegal.
  • Firey: I honestly don't care; the cops and I are sworn enemies. And that's not what I meant!
  • Pencil: Well I know someone 'o can fill thet gap in yer 'eart! [she gets her phone out] Firey, care to talk ter a potential lover?
  • Firey: Sure, I—
  • Match: Moe-she-moe-she!
  • Firey: Match, is that your voice? [silence] Hello?

[Enter Match. She is wearing an extravagant dress.]

  • Match: Omg, Firey, I didn't expect to see you here!
  • Firey: This is where I go often.
  • Pen: What are you wearing?
  • Saye: It's so loud I need eraserplugs for my eraserplugs!
  • Pencil: More importantlé, wot 'appened to the top o' yer 'air?
  • Match: I smoked it on the way here.
  • Firey: No thank you, I don't date smokers, which is quite the irony considering I am a byproduct of excessive smoking.
  • Match: Eraser smokes; he just applies the gas to my hair.
  • Saye: So you sit around preparing your dress with one hand whilst holding the top of your head as your brother/boyfriend smokes onto it?
  • Pen: And now presenting the classiest woman in Kenya, Miss Match Zapałka! [Match laughs, then glares at him]
  • Firey: Seriously though, I'm not all that interested in dating someone right now. I know what I said, and I'm just interested in one girl right now.
  • Match: Please don't be Puffball; I thought she was going to be eliminated.
  • Firey: It … was … someone else, I really don't know her. I actually forgot her, like she's been erased out of my memory.
  • Javier: My logical bet says it's probably that Leafy girl.
  • Pen: I can understand a love for thievery, but not a love for someone who loves that. Pencil, do you have a word for it?
  • Pencil: Aye, me boy. Kleptomanimania. Firey, yer a kleptomanimaniac.
  • Firey: Then if having a love for someone witch-hunted by society gives me a label that sounds like a third-century imperial cult, I bid you adieu!

[Exit Firey.]

  • Ice Cube: Your bill, sir.
  • Pen: [reads it] Nice, a thousand shillings!
  • Ice Cube: Come more and we'll make that 999!
  • [ Pencil · Pen ]: [ Deal! · No deal! ]

The next morningEdit

  • Ximena: Javi, do you think parties are boring?
  • Javier: Well, not unless there's studying involved! You know, it would really mean a lot to me if I could end up at a social gathering reading books and stuff …
  • Zorah: You people bore me.
  • Saye: Please don't mean that literally, Ora …

[Enter Pen with the mail.]

  • Pen: I've got mail!
  • Sio: Sweet!
  • Salvador: Is there anything going to me?
  • Saye: Chavo, we don't want any more of your pranks.
  • Salvador: But they love it!
  • Cil: Goo!
  • Pen: [sigh] No more pranking people, Chavo, I think it's bad enough that you've reached herbology at the age of seven.
  • Yaretzi: You mean–
  • Pen: I know what I meant.
  • Saye: So what did we get in the mail, Dad?
  • Pen: Don't know … I haven't checked yet.

[He opens the envelope.]

  • Pen: No … way.
  • Qalam-Rassas: What?
  • Yaretzi: Huh?
  • Sio: What is it?
  • Pen: Saye, go to my room and call mum here.
  • Saye: Got it! MUMMMMMM!!!
  • Pen: I meant, like, go to my room, not break the sound barrier thirty miles above us!
  • Saye: I was lazy.
  • Sio: Sure you were, Saye …

[Enter Pencil.]

  • Pencil: Wot, I'n 'eard somethin' goin' on … 's e'erythin' going on well 'ere?
  • Pen: Of course things are, just look here.
  • Pencil: Wot is it?

[She sees the letter.]

  • Pencil: Omg, I can't believe'e!
  • Sio: What?
  • Pencil: Yer father an' I'll be h'a-goin' to the CIDC fifth 'igh school reunion!
  • Saye: But I thought they didn't have those anymore!
  • Pen: Who cares, man, high school was my peak!
  • Pencil: Mine too, oh, I can't wait to see 'ow much different I am from those uncool blokes back a' the school!
  • Pen: And I can't wait to see everyone's deference to me, this will be so much fun!
  • Javier: Mum, dad, a word … the whole point of a high school reunion is to rejoice in what other people have done! It's not always about you; a study by the University of Internet said that those who had a larger social standing did worse in the real world than someone who actually contributed well to the academic successes of school. What else do you think I'm here for?[3]
  • Zorah: Ha, he said "heerf"!
  • Pencil: Odsbodikins, Avi …
  • Pen: If only we thought of that during high school.

[They are about to go.]

  • Saye: Wait, where are you going?
  • Pencil: Shoppin' fer me grand appearance a' the reunion!
  • Pen: And I'm going to that personalisation store to buy the varsity jacket I'm going to wear!
  • Pencil: Wot 'appened to yer old one?
  • Pen: Probably lost it during the war … or BFDI … or both in some freak situation that I probably would not want to hear.
  • Zorah: Right …
  • Saye: Sure!
  • Javier: Happy trails!

[Exeunt Pencil and Pen.]

  • Citlali: Are we really going to stand guilty here?
  • Zorah: Hell, yes.
  • Yaretzi: Oh no, I feel so guilty doing this!
  • Zorah: Opal, ease.
  • Salvador: You felt guilty when you stepped on that ant two years ago—
  • Yaretzi: It was a murder of antpic proportions!
  • Zorah: Girl, you're still grieving over it!
  • Sio: Come on, we can't hide the truth that we spilt mustard on Dad's old jacket forever!
  • Saye: Maybe we could, maybe we couldn't.

[The others are confused.]

  • Saye: Yeah, I've got nothing. Unless …

Match's houseEdit

  • Match: Omg, Eraser, does this wall stain look irritating to you?
  • Eraser: No, but there is someone else irritating to me.
  • Match: Really? Who?
  • Eraser: Moron.
  • Match: Boron? This baby is purely, like, potassium chlorate.

[He rolls his eyes and walks to the next room. Match's cell phone rings.]

  • Match: [picking up her phone] Hello!

[Silence.]

  • Match: Are you some kind of ghost?

[At Pencil's house.]

  • Citlali: You pick her up!
  • Salvador: That's your phone that I could easily break if I wanted to!
  • Javier: Someone just pick up the damnèd thing!
  • Sio: Fine. [he picks up the phone] Match, this is Sio.
  • Match: Omg … [to Eraser] ERASER, YOUR BROTHER'S SON IS ON THE TELEPHONE! IT'S LITTLE PEN JR., I THINK HE WANTS TO SAY HI!
  • Eraser: I have better things to do!
  • Match: [to Pen Jr] How's that, like, I don't even have your phone number yet?
  • Sio: Never mind that, just, like, come here as fast as you can.
  • Match: No! Eraser's here and he misses me … like, a lot if I'm not home.
  • Sio: But—
  • Match: Like, beat it, kid. There is absolutely no way in this world I'm able to go to your house.
  • Sio: There's a really cute guy here!

[Match's dial tone is heard.]

  • Sio: That was rude, she hung up without saying goodbye! Nobody does that …
  • Javier: I don't know about that! Remember yesterday with Qal's toy phone?

[Enter Match.]

  • Qalam-Rassas: Aunt Matchy!
  • Match: Where's the male?
  • Sio: We sort of lied about him.
  • Saye: We? Sio, you did all this shiト.
  • Sio: Oh yeah, that makes a bit more sense on my behalf.
  • Match: Wait, so like, what? So you got my andrea-lynn rushing for nothing?
  • Javier: You mean "adrenaline". What? I like correcting people's magdalenisms.
  • Yaretzi: You mean—
  • Javier: I know what I meant.
  • Match: Hey, where's Pencil?
  • Ximena: She's … left to travel to … [looks at a map of the world] Kenya.
  • Match: We're in Kenya already.
  • Salvador: She means the Kenya that doesn't exist. The Kenya is … of her imagination.
  • Match: Mystical. So why did you invite me here anyways?
  • Yaretzi: The truth is, we have this problem and we can't tell either of our parents.
  • Match: What is it?
  • Citlali: A few weeks ago, Mona and I were playing make-up, and we … we …
  • Ximena: Sort of got mustard on Daddy's old high school varsity jacket.
  • Sio: We told him it was lost …
  • Yaretzi: Which, in hindsight and mysight, was a filthy lie that I did not actually tell.
  • Match: Omg, that's terrible! You never play make-up with food products; it's a fashion faux pas.
  • Saye: Please focus, if any of them find out about our problem, we're dead meat! And then we'll be fed to vegetarians!
  • Javier: I'd correct you, but what's the point?
  • Match: Well, let me see the jacket and I'll see if I can fix it!

The parents' roomEdit

  • Match: Since when were our school colours vermillion orange and blinding yellow?
  • Salvador: Since the never!
  • Match: Don't worry, I know that I can fix this … I know that I can fix this … I know that I can't fix this— Do you people have a phone?
  • Zorah: Not right now. But if there were one, the guys at Pessimism Ink called; they want their attitude back.
  • Saye: Here's one … pardon my sister.
  • Match: Now I just need to call my regular stain remover!
  • Salvador: You have a regular stain remover?
  • Sio: Why don't you clean stuff by yourself?
  • Match: [laughing] I'm rich, I can do whatever I want! [she connects with Ximinuqui, the stain remover company] Hello? … This is Match, your regular, like, customer. I'm calling from my best friend Pencil's house. … What? You can't make it? … [she hangs up]
  • Sio: Y'know, you could have said goodbye before hanging up.
  • Match: Oh, no worries, they're sending over a guy, who'll be here in, like, five minutes.

MallEdit

  • Pen: Excuse me, but does this jacket even sort of bear resemblance to the ones they used at Ibáñez International from 2007?

[The guy turns around. It's Scissor – the football coach from the high school.]

  • Pen: Oh my gosh, Scissor!?
  • Scissor: Pen Schreibah from, say, five years ago? What goes on, mate?
  • Pen: Life's been going pretty well. What are you doing at the mall?
  • Scissor: Oh, y'know, I've retired from coachin' football and pursuin' my dreams as a department staw cashier. Between you and me, it's what the balebos wants me to say to all my past players.
  • Pen: So, out of curiosity, how are the rest of your players, are they coming to the fifth reunion?
  • Scissor: Nope, well … aren'tcha goin' too?
  • Pen: Going, bringing the wife.
  • Scissor: Married Pencil, the cheerleadah? Lucky son of a corpse.
  • Pen: Why does everyone say that? Anyways, do you think this looks good on me? At this point, I'm no longer going for recognition but æsthetics.
  • Scissor: Sure, it looks nice … if it were ran over on 77th Street and had some object form of Lady Gaga throw up double helixes on it!
  • Pen: [pays] Thanks!

[Exit Pen.]

  • Scissor: Was I bein' sawcastic, I think I was.

Pencil's houseEdit

  • Salvador: So, when's this guy gonna show up?
  • Match: Like, in five … four … three … two … [knock on the door] Omg, he's here!

[She opens the door. It is Sword.[4]]

  • Match: Holy cheese, Sword!
  • Sword: Match? Is that you, the annoying one who always followed me?
  • Match: YES, that was me! What are you doing here?
  • Sword: Well, after BFDIA was cancelled I finally decided to live in peace. See this, I work at Ximinuqui now!
  • Match: That is awesome!
  • Saye: We're just going to leave you two alone.
  • Zorah: Don't mind the watching eyes you can't see!
  • Match: What?

[The other kids go to the room.]

  • Sword: How did you shrink your other airhead friend?
  • Match: They married and had children.
  • Sword: So that's why the national IQ is getting lower.
  • Match: What?
  • Sword: What? I'm supposed to be here doing stuff.
  • Match: Oh, you can—
  • Sword: I know what you're going to say, and I don't agree at all.
  • Match: I was going to ask you to fix my brother's varsity jacket!
  • Sword: From high school and all? Che, that was, like, four years ago!
  • Match: Five, actually.
  • Sword: So why does he need his jacket fixed?
  • Match: I really don't know. [awkward silence]
  • Ximena: [from the other room] Awkward!
  • Match: Let's just go to their room.
  • Sword: And not speak to each other.

[They shuffle to the parents' room silently.]

MallEdit

  • Pencil: [to one of the employees] 'Ello, m8, I was lookin' fer somethin' I could wear to me 'igh school reunion … wot d'ye recommend?

[The lady working happens to be Scissors.]

  • Pencil: Scissors?
  • Scissors: Hey, Pencil!
  • Pencil: I never knew you worked 'ere!
  • Scissors: Of course I do. My days of slight wrongdoings are over.
  • Pencil: You was Flower's assistan' back in the Gang o' h'8, suggested thet I should be killed so you could 'ave me Pen, an' nearly destroyed the Brawl o' the Objects set whils' at the same time in 'Eaven. Slight wrongdoings is an understatement, m8.
  • Scissors: So I did do evil. But that was my past! And now, I am finally free from Flower and am living my dream here, at Maidee's.
  • Pencil: Pardon me'f this sounds incongruent, but wot do you do 'ere?
  • Scissors: I am a matchmaker!
  • Pencil: Ooh, can you set me bes' friend, Match, up with someone?
  • Scissors: [laughs] I'm not that good at getting your whoر friend set up, but I can tell you what accessories fit you the most.
  • Pencil: Omg, thet's perfect!
  • Scissors: How?
  • Pencil: Well, I'm goin' to my 'igh school reunion tonight. Di'n't'ee get the memo?
  • Scissors: I never know our school even had reunions! But I'll probably not be going - you know, people might see me and freak …
  • Pencil: Oh, I get'ee. So wot should I wear?
  • Scissors: Well … [grabs a box] … try this.
  • Pencil: Ooh! Pre-packaged?
  • Scissors: Of course. Can't live out your glory days without something to wear!
  • Pencil: Thet is so true … wait, wot?

With Match, Sword and the kidsEdit

  • Sword: Alright, Match, it's ready … and stop crying, get out of the bathroom!

[Enter Match.]

  • Match: I- I'm sorry, it's just, like, I don't know what to do with my life.
  • Sword: As you can see, I restored the old jacket to the old shades of Ibáñez blue and placed the buttons with its old locations.
  • Match: Omg, it looks wonderful!
  • Sword: Okay, have fun, bye bye.
  • Match: Wait!

[Exit Sword.]

  • Saye: What's wrong, Aunt Match?
  • Match: This jacket looks weird.
  • Zorah: I can see why you weren't a varsity athlete.
  • Citlali: Yeah, cheerleading is much more of your thing!
  • Match: Aw, you really've made me feel better. But I'd better go, honestly. Don't want Penc-penc to feel suspicious if she sees me, like, here. Bye!

[Exit Match.]

  • Saye: Wow.
  • Citlali: Did she really just leave us, y'know, unsuspicious?
  • Yaretzi: She's so nice!

[She crashes her car into the garage, probably by accident. Enter Match a few seconds later.]

  • Match: Tell your parents it was Zorah who crashed the car.
  • Yaretzi: Kay-kay!
  • Zorah: Why me?

[Exit Match.]

  • Sio: And you forgot to say "bye"!

OutsideEdit

DUET: Pencil & Pen

If well reunion day may go,
We've yet to know!
There's nothing in our way,
To ruin this great day?
In singing are we justified,
In singing are we justified …

[They see the garage dent.]

  • Pen: What the?
  • Pencil: Wot is this?

[They rush upstairs.]

InsideEdit

  • Saye: What do they put in soda that makes it so fizzy?
  • Javier: Well, it's mostly—

[Enter Pen and Pencil.]

  • Pen: Kids, we need to talk.
  • Salvador: Yes, father?
  • Pen: Why did someone crash a car into our garage?
  • Sio: Um …
  • Zorah: Well …
  • Pencil: I am very disappointed with'ee, y' didn' tell the truth immediately when yer father an' I asked'ee.
  • Pen: I don't think there's much a better way to make us feel better just in time for our reunion.

[He sees the jacket.]

  • Pen: Oh my gosh, my real varsity jacket! The garage can wait, this is awesome!
  • Pencil: An' when me boy's 'appy, so am I!
  • Pen: It looks amazing, who did it?
  • Sio: Sword did!
  • Pen: Sword?
  • Pencil: Thet ANUBIS supporter?
  • Pen: [sigh] He's still dead to me.
  • Yaretzi: We called the stain removal company, and they sent him over.
  • Pencil: Y'know, Match loves thet stain removal company. She says thet acos she's rich, she can call 'oever she wants.
  • Zorah: We did not know that.
  • Javier: Strangely informed I feel.
  • Pencil: Okay, so the crazies' thing 'appened. As I was shoppin' a' Maidee's, the department store, I saw Scissors workin' there.
  • Pen: And I saw my old football coach.
  • Pencil: 'O also's named Scissor.
  • Pen: Wait wait wait a second, there's something wrong with this jacket.
  • Saye: What is it?
  • Salvador: Isn't it obvious? In Daddy's old school albums the letter on his jacket was 甲. Right now, I'm seeing 乙.
  • Pen: Okay, this is bad.
  • Citlali: What's the big deal? It's just a letter in a language I don't even speak.
  • Pencil: 我會讓你知道,我在中國語文近的專家。[5]
  • Zorah: O-kay …
  • Pen: My wife may not be right, considering that the gene of not being Sinophonic comes from their father - that letter on my old jacket means that the team goes on to somewhere![6] Those letters are basically like military honours and that first symbol meant I am the aleph male in school and nobody can top me. The other one, y'know, that I'm seeing right now, means I am bet[7][8], and I can't show up to my high school reunion being second in command.
  • Pencil: Thet's right, me Pen's the school's commander, the aleph and omicra, and the king o' me heart. 'Tis also why you should probably open yer box y' got from Football!Scissor before y'spring a leak.

[He opens the box.]

  • Pen: No way! Six 甲 symbols? This is the equivalent of being a general, so for me it's like a double double only nobody's drinking!
  • Sio: Yeah yeah, just go to the reunion.
  • Javier: No need to dilly-dally on us, y'see …

[They push them out of the house.]

  • Sio: Good thing they forgot about the garage.
  • Pen: Oh, and about the garage, who ever you are, you're grounded—
  • Pencil: But not fer some ridiculous time like 2180812908409128048— [Salvador closes the door]
  • Pen: What was that about?
  • Pencil: I honestly don't care, but now thet we're out, let's get ready fer the reunion.

[They exit through the stairs.]

A houseEdit

  • Pen: Supposedly this is where the reunion is supposed to be.
  • Pencil: Well, if it's at a house, shan't we knock ter enter?
  • Pen: I was more thinking we could do a dramatic entrance.
  • Pencil: Pen, there don't appear to be anyone 'ere. Let's jus' go.
  • Pen: But don't you want to relive your best memories? I mean, high school was just where it was at! We ruled the school!
  • Pencil: An' now we're rulin' this little patch o' land thet's really bein' jus' wasted. I'd better go.
  • Pen: The house does look rather empty.
  • Voice: Just go in already!
  • Pencil: An' now I think we should go in.
  • Pen: You know what to say, right?
  • Pencil: Aye, we jus' announce thet we're comin' in, rather majestically, an' make sure people recognise us. Say nothin' 'bout me weight, m8.
  • Pen: But you— [she slaps him] Ow! … I think I'll just open the door.

[He opens the door. There is only darkness.]

  • [ Pen · Pencil ]: The King and Queen 'ave arrive[ d · n ]!
  • Pencil: Wot'n'ale, m8, 'tis arriven. Sounds more old an' official.
  • Pen: Let's just appreciate the fact that we're here.

[They step inside.]

  • Pencil: Wow, 'tis sure dark in 'ere. 'Ello?
  • Pen: Is anyone here?
  • Pencil: Y'know, Pen, I'm pretty sure this is a prank, an' it must'e been one set up by someone from our school, so in a way this's like our own reunion!
  • Pen: Okay, now I feel flattered. Not because of me saying it's about me, but because of you.
  • Pencil: Oh, you. Shall I insult'ee again?
  • Pen: Bring it!

The houseEdit

  • Sio: Aunt Match!
  • Yaretzi: What a lighthearted surprise!
  • Match: I've realised that I've done a bunch of wrong stuff, so yeah, I'm here.
  • Zorah: Eraser's being a jerk again?
  • Match: Maybe … I can't believe your parents are at a high school reunion!
  • Saye: Believe us further, but we need to fix the garage.
  • Match: Why? It looks, like, nice the other way!
  • Zorah: Does it, Match? Does it?
  • Match: In all honesty, no.
  • Citlali: Come on, we really want to fix it!
  • Zorah: For once, I agree - I don't want to be grounded!
  • Javier: [sigh] Zorah, you can't just agree on certain things that happen for other people just for your personal benefit! Hey, can you grab that dust mite off the floor, I think it hates me.
  • Match: Fine, we'll go fix the garage.

[The kids cheer.]

Further into the houseEdit

  • Pen: This house is pretty creepy; I can't see anything!
  • Pencil: Can we sit down firs' before complainin'?
  • Pen: Sure thing. Now where can we find a chair?

[They feel for a flat surface.]

  • Pencil: Oi m8, this chair feels nice!
  • Voice: Lie down!
  • Pencil: Don't mind if I do … say, Pen, 'ave'ee been on some new medicines, y'sounds different.
  • Pen: That's because it was not me who was speaking.
  • Pencil: Wait, if it isn't you, an' it wasn't me, then 'o was'e?
  • Voice: I'm glad you asked.

[The mysterious person turns on his flashlight. It is Paper and Ulip. Pencil and Pen scream.]

After the revelationEdit

  • Pencil: Wot're'ee doin'?
  • Paper: Isn't it obvious?
  • Ulip: We're tying you down!
  • Pen: Please don't continue, we really have to get going to our high school reunion.
  • Paper: Wow, you're dumb.
  • Ulip: This is your high school reunion. And Paper, don't call him dumb.
  • Pen: What? I don't understand.
  • Ulip: We sent the fake invitations!
  • Paper: Five years have we been waiting for this moment. The moment for you two, still stuck in your high school personalities, walk into our house, but instead of us being trapped, it's you!
  • Pencil: Wot?
  • Ulip: Throughout our high school lives, the justice system has fallen into your hands! You get what you want, we get nothing. You are the alpha, we are the omega!
  • Pencil: So the entire reason y' brought us 'ere was to make a metaphor about Jesus?
  • Paper: No. You privileged people aren't going anywhere. You are going to be our hostages, and you are going to teach us why and H-O-W you were so cool and popular back then.
  • Pen: Aww, I'm flattered! He called us cool!
  • Pencil: Pen, it's a trap.
  • Ulip: And then … [holds up cooking utensils] You're going to teach us!
  • Pencil: Please don' do thet! Wot about our children?
  • Paper: Children?
  • Ulip: How dare you reproduce without our permission!
  • Pencil: We can do wote'er we want.
  • Paper: Could. Now you're part of us. The uncool kids.
  • Pen: All my life that has been my worst nightmare …
  • Pencil: Don' try to make me husband cry, 'e's been through enough already!

The houseEdit

  • Match: Okay, the garage looks worse than when I got here.
  • Salvador: That's for sure.
  • Zorah: This is terrible! Now I'll be grounded for sure! Match, this was all your fault.
  • Match: My fault?
  • Saye: Yeah!
  • Citlali: You basically did stuff and got us in trouble.
  • Match: Meh. Works for my unbusy Saturday.

[Javier walks by, carrying a large folded tarp.]

  • Match: What's with the blanket? Are you actually donating to the poor and needy? [an arm comes in and slaps her]
  • Javier: No, even better! Go outside and I'll show you!

[Nobody does so.]

  • Javier: Y'ALL WILL GO OUTSIDE OR ELSE!

[Exeunt omnes.]

OutsideEdit

  • Yaretzi: What …
  • Salvador: The …
  • Match: The …
  • Zorah: He already said that!

[Javier's unfolded product. It is an image of the garage as it was in the past.]

  • Citlali: It's our garage!
  • Javier: In photographic representation!
  • Saye: What are we going to do with it?
  • Javier: My plan is to take this image, tape it to the top of the garage, and from afar of the land people can see that the garage has been repaired! It's the ultimate plan!
  • Match: More like "from Afar-land" … placing an image where the real thing should be is a tacky Southern California new-department-store advertising technique that really should be better off at the, like, mall than a house like this … I love it! Guess you don't need me anymore!
  • Saye: Hold it!
  • Sio: You're not going anywhere!
  • Match: You people aren't going to sing, are you?
  • Zorah: Ew, gosh no.
  • Citlali: You're going to stay here, and when Mum and Dad get back you're going to tell them that you broke the garage that isn't really broken anymore.
  • Match: Got it!
  • Ximena: Now we just wait for them to come here. Hey, how long is a high school reunion?
  • Match: As long as it, like, wants to be! They're probably at the bar having so much fun … without me. They probably wish I was there.

The other houseEdit

  • Pen: I wish Match were here!
  • Pencil: Pen, she's probably makin' out with Eraser an' other stuff. I think we're safe let she be. An' stop being loud, Paper an' Ulip are rage kissin' in the corner!
  • Pen: Ah, rage kissing. The perfect combination of sweet, amorous passion and plotting revenge on enemies. Penc, why haven't we done that?
  • Pencil: Acos we're not the inconceivable nutcases 'o'd tie ourselves up to our chairs as such!
  • Pen: They're getting up, help me think of a plan!
  • Pencil: Er … act all intimate! Maybe they'll let us go!

[Paper and Ulip return.]

  • Paper: Okay. We're back.
  • Ulip: And after a hearty round of kissing each other, it's our turn to kiss you.

[Silence.]

  • Paper: What? You two too afraid to speak?
  • Pen: No, the sound of us kissing you guys is great!
  • Ulip: [dumbfounded] You do know it's just Penalicious and me, and Paper and that thing, right?
  • Pencil: O' course! Anythin' to comply to yer plans, O masters an' great people.
  • Paper: This isn't suspicious at all, I love when my high school crush-turned captive agrees with every word I'll say!
  • Pen: [winks at Pencil. She winks back] My lovely Ulipita, wouldn't you like it if before we kissed, we could dance?
  • Ulip: Pen invites Ulip to dance? This is greatest day of life!
  • Pencil: Oi m8, dance with me h'if they're doin' so!
  • Paper: How could I say no?

[At once, Ulip and Paper untie them.]

  • Pencil: Busted.
  • Pen: Now you've been tricked and we've been freed!
  • Paper: No fair! We only got you for a comedically short time!
  • Ulip: Yeah, we like it the other way around!
  • Pencil: Well, we'd deal with evil people like'ee an' send'ee to the police, but I doubt they'd like a word with weirdos like you.
  • Paper: This isn't justice at all!
  • Ulip: In all of those high school movies the underdogs win!
  • Pen: Then learn a high school lesson—in this particular universe, the cool kids always win.
  • Pencil: Thet's me boy-o! [they kiss and subsequently run away free]
  • Pen: Woo!

[Exeunt.]

  • Paper: There goes our chances of being popular.
  • Ulip: Do you think we can get someone else?
  • Paper: I wouldn't trust your butt in kidnapping someone else!
  • Ulip: True.

[Meanwhile, Pencil and Pen were on the run. They were running away from the house of those criminals and wanted to find a place to stay.[9] They stopped at a cheering crowd.]

  • Everyone: HAPPY FIFTH HIGH SCHOOL ANNIVERSARY!
  • Pencil: Omg!
  • Pen: There's, like, everyone here!

[Everyone from the class of 2009 literally was there— even the unpopular people. They all start talking at once.]

  • Book: [at the podium] It is in our best honour for me, being a general contractor, to announce the unexpected arrival of the popular, regal, slightly arrogant—
  • [ Pencil · Pen ]: [ Wot? · What? ]
  • Book: c Mr Pencil and Pen Schreiber, and I, being a general contractor, invite each of them to deliver a speech!

[A few clap in the audience.]

  • Book: [passing by the couple awkwardly] The general contractor orders it to be long.

[Pencil gets to the stage.]

  • Pencil: Thank ye, Book, fer yer, bein' the general contractor, important introduction. I now round'ee off by lead in' the cheer o' th' Alma Mater, as I did five years ago!
Alma Mater: Pencil

Moja, mbili, tatu, nne,[10]
Truth be thet we win today!
We are Del Campo,
Reactive like OR Tambo,
Brave as the Rambo,
Together we'll fight!
Our red an' yellow,
Make thought we're mellow,
Free thought s'y I, “hello”,
To those from black to white!

  • Nonexisty: Excuse me, but they changed our school's Alma Mater after the Non-existent Entities' Civil Rights Movement. The line has become "To those all day and night". Check your privilege, opaque model majority.
  • Ruby: And let's not forget the time she made me cry on BFDIA! I know it was obviously scripted by human producers, but c who am I kidding.
  • Television: And due to that fact that her and her SO we're basically Queen Head Cheerleader and King Scary-Douche Scary-Douche, no I won't do a fandango, whom, as you all know, the media always represents as inapprehensive bullies who serve no place except for conflict for main protagonist.

[Awkward silence.]

  • Ruby: And she is so awesome and one of my best friends during high school!
  • Book: On whose side are you?
  • Pencil: Omg, thank'ee all fer finally tell in' me wot to talk about!
  • Bubble: That's a first!
  • Book: What, having something to talk about?
  • Bubble: No, saying thank you!
  • Pencil: I know I've done some mean things in the pas'. See, raise yer 'and if I've been mean to you!

[Everyone raises their hand/leg, even Pen.]

  • Pen: Sorry, I just had to. The cool thing to do is to raise one's hand.
  • Pencil: Well a' leas' Puffball didn't says I was mean!
  • Puffball: That was true, Pencil, but then you told everyone to raise their hand and that was exclusive to me or people who don't believe in a limbs. You are an offensive limbkin and it's peole like you who prevent the advancement of our kind.
  • Pencil: Anyways, I am now just issuin' an official apology fer bein' a massive stereotype durin' 'igh school, an' I'm sure thet speech will extend to me husband Pen! Thank'ee everyone fer tryin' to listen!

[Pen jogs to the mic.]

  • Pen: Tonight we have to avoid completion of things, like, y'know, total war and execution of joy and happiness.
  • Baseball Cap: Eh? I don't know what you said.
  • Pen: Since when did you get here? Do I have to repeat that?
  • Baseball Cap: Um, no! Go on!

NotesEdit

  1. In Swahili, "fiki" translates to "hypocrite".
  2. Saye, Sio, Yaretzi, Citlali and QR.
  3. [1]
  4. Had this been live-action, the audience would cheer really loudly.
  5. (Ch.) "I will have you know that I am nearly an expert in the Chinese language."
  6. Speaking from no experience at all.
  7. I used "aleph" and "bet" rather than "alpha" and "beta". Despite being Greek, he is also Jewish.
  8. Truth embedded in this, these celestial symbols are used in Chinese to signify rank, particularly in Taiwan and Korea.
  9. They were basically running through various backgrounds.
  10. (Sw.) "One, two, three, four"

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