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This is a page explaining the typical life of an object. Generally, the life of objects in the second dimension is not dissimilar to the life of humans, except for a few minor touches.

ChildhoodEdit

The animate object begins its life on day one of its first year, where vital statistics such as gender, first language, brachiopodal status and evolutionary traits are determined, most of which are not to stay permanent.[1] The rate of regeneration or birth of new objects was one being born every 52 minutes and 35.7 seconds.[2]

Although it is a common fact, as seen in page that probably linked you here, thirty minutes after an object's death must a completely new object take its place. This fits perfectly in the time period from which an object must be created.

At this time, the object, whom henceforth shall be referred to Joe, would be able to speak/act sentient faster than a human being would.[3]

EducationEdit

Although children may end up speaking basic sentences in early childhood, education is necessary, and in some countries, compulsory. Some parents, particularly in Western countries, would send young Joe to pre-primary educational groups (playgroup, pre-school, yuchiwon, etc.), and by the education Joe would have to go to school.

Many parents around the world (~60%), particularly in developing countries in the global South[4], would send him to the largest K-12[5] school in the world, Carlos Ibáñez del Campo Floating International School.

While 90% of the time age would determine Joe's grade level, there are some exceptions such as the 10% based on intelligence level - students of high intelligence would skip a grade or two, whilst being of lower intelligence may make a would-be-6th-grader really in kindergarten.[6][7]

It is here where the simulation of interacting with other people and further education is established. Of course, Joe may do other things outside of school, sports being the most common, followed by the arts and religion.

After schoolEdit

Many countries around the world, such as Israel or South Korea, have mandatory military service for a few years, as did Kenya due to the Kenya-Brazilian War. But men in unconscripted countries and women are free to go to university directly after high school, however, unlike in the human world, it is practised in a totally different way: less objects go to college than humans, primarily because the most popular career choice has been, since 2008, "object show character/Internet performer for humans".

Getting a jobEdit

To become an Internet performer, Joe would not need to go to a university. Rather, he would be spotted by recruiters. Traditionally, the youngest age from which an object show character can be chosen is 18 or at least a high school drop-out. However, that rule is unenforced, as many characters from object shows were born in the 1990s or after.

Though these jobs are often popular for many objects, it's possible that Joe may want a job that doesn't involve exploitation. Most of the left-over jobs exist in the human world and have the same popularity and frequency, despite a few object-related professions such as "Recovery Centre Operator" and "Limb Shop Worker".

All of this typically happens upon the eighteenth year of Joe's life.

Family & relationshipsEdit

It would be a crime to go through the stages of an object's life without mentioning the relations they would have with others.

It is often stated in government-approved history books that before the 1911 arrival of humans, objects were participating in condemned acts such as incest, young people marriages, relationships with inanimate objects and homosexual relationships.[8] Laws were instated by human-backed political reformists to a change in object relationships in the 1920s.

However, in the 1990s, there was a call for social reform to counteract the old laws. The legalisation of same-sex relationships and likewise marriage was the most successful, particularly in western and Latin American countries, and effectively legalising it in the International State of Nairobi too. The other old laws also became decriminalised, yet still stigmatised by the generation who were raised with the 1920s legislature.[9]

How does this pertain to Joe? Well, he might have met someone in high school, and they both fell in love.[10] Prior to 1911, he and she would have got informally married at the age of 14 due to the common teenage presumption that it's true love when they've only, like, seen them for an hour. But in this present day and age, they would start dating in high school, marry around the age of 18, assign a gender-non-specific role for career choices[11] and possibly contemplate reproduction.

Having childrenEdit

No, this isn't a particarly icky part, so don't expect to get squeamish. Why? For one thing, the process of having children in the object universe. This is because objects don't understand the animal process of intercourse. So to humans, these objects are permavirgins.[12]

There are many ways that objects can have children:

The most common way is to enter the maternity ward at a local hospital. Akin to the human world where maternity wards are places where women give birth, in the object universe they are large waiting rooms for objects[13], where a person specialised in obstetrics and goneology[14] Typically, there is a wait period up to thirty minutes, and a large contract will surely be signed making sure that the parents take care of the child and no misuses occur.

At this point, Joe and his wife (let's call her Nutella since it's been banned in France) must think of a name for the new baby. Contrary to the popular opinion, it is illegal to not give a child a name and the punishments include thirty years in prison, a 50% chance of getting the death penalty and a personal thundercloud over their heads.[15]

Today, the process of naming children has been easier than ever. The way that is most familiar to humans is to use the object's species name in whatever language they speak.[16] On a side note, yes, objects can have the same name. One of the most popular one is Ice Cream, who is seen in at least two object shows: Object Universe and Object Mayhem. (I'm pretty sure the old Fanonpedia has more.) Note, though, that this pratice is unique to objects with pure-bred children.[17] Already there are possibilities for Joe and Nutella should the child take its mother's genes: Hazelnut (Azellana, Egozeiluz, Zhenzi), Cocoa (Kakao, Koko, Kakaw), Spread (Penyebaran, Hirogari, Jeonpa).

A popular practice for naming children is to take the most popular names of the year that they have been born. For example, if the year was 1906, they would see names like Agnes, Earl, Thelma and Harold, or if the parents are feeling particularly daring, they would choose rarer names in the 900s ranks: Mariam, Concepcion and Abigail for girls, and Tobias, Rudolf and Eino for boys.[18]

The increasingly common way of making object names, especially for multispecies objects, is to combine the parents' names. It gives such variation that if Joe and Nutella had that option, it would result in names like Joetella, Jutella, Noetjellua and Juoteella. And they'd all be siblings. This practice has been going on for centuries, as the renowned nineteenth century complainer Vojvodinis Platitudinous states …

It is in great pity that our generation must have the horrendous names that robs siblings of their individuality and take in fact the parents' names; I blame my parents Vojvo and Denise and my three other siblings, Vojvodenise, Dojvovenice and Vojdenivos.
 
— Vojvodinis Platitudinous, a memoir

Now to the other way of obtaining babies - adoption. I'm sure you already how how this works, so I'll leave the rest of this paragraph to your knowledge.

The last way, and the way most familiar to humans, is pregnancy. A quick DeviantArt search shows there are 16 results for BFDI objects pregnant—14 of those were made by thedrksiren, one of those described a disturbing relationship (Snowball and Teardrop), and of course MatchxPaintbrush because this is DeviantArt and whenever you search something ship-related that ship, though nonsensical, is there. Pregnancy is actually much rarer, and it is actually considered a disease in the object universe - when you think of it, it's a baby growing inside of you for nine months only to come out of a super-secret hiding spot between the stomach and … ew … please take me to the maternity wards.

Life after thisEdit

As parents, it is Joe and Nutella's responsibility to take care of the child and raise it the best way ever.

Around the 65th year, many objects retire from their jobs. But Internet performers typically retire by the age of 30; there seems to be a rule that if you're a character from an object show, you can't be over twice the age of the creator.

In this section, I will be speaking of death, probably the most-requested topic on here. I say most-requested because as of 10 April 2016, there has only been one interrogatory comment in "Object History": But wait the objects Live forever?

The quick answer … that all depends.

DeathEdit

There are a set of objects that receive government-funded recovery licences. These are necessary for some objects, like Bubble and Firey, and thus they are high in priorities to obtain them.

However, objects that are harder to kill may also recovery licences, albeit at a higher price. These licences are purchased mostly by the rich, allowing death to happen more easily.

The first and most common way of dying is due to the lack of having a recovery licence by the time of the object's hundredth birthday. On rare cases, when all (on-set) recovery centres have been destroyed, the object dies forever.[19] However, just because they die forever, doesn't mean that they are still alive, just as ghosts.

It is often thought that once one joins the military s/he would be stripped of his/her recovery licence. That has some truth to it; you'd lose it for the first few years, then once you become of considerable rank you regain it. Object show characters may or may not all together get a recovery licence for themselves.

Whilst World War II was raging in the real world, the cruel process of objenics (object eugenics) was raging in the object world: limbed scientists lowered the lifespan of objects without the "perfection" of two eyes, one mouth, two arms and two legs. One of the practices was to limit the life of the limbless and armless to eight cycles. But as you'll see below, the potion is practically irrelevant, primarily because after eight cycles, it is unknown if the original object from eight hundred yers before will have survived; there is a 255 in 256 chance that they will die by then.

RegenerationEdit

There is a phenomenon in the object universe known as regeneration. Say that on his hundredth birthday, Nutella dies. There is exactly a 50-50 chance that a few minutes later, she will come out of a maternity ward in the same form that she did 100 years ago. Why? Honestly, nobody knows for sure; many religions interpret the idea differently.

Traditional Goikyan mythology dictates that once dead, the deceased body will arise up to the heavens, where they will be judged based on how useful that particular object will be in the future with preference for pure-bred objects, and many Asian religions such as Buddhism, Hinduism and Jainism believe that objects are in the process of punarjanma, or reincarnation.

The arrival of religions such as Christianity and Islam gave objects another view on the afterlife: once Nutella dies, you are sent to a very far-away place, where God/Allah judges her not on how useful she'll be, but based on her actions in the past century, and thus sends her off into the appropriate direction.

And thus the cycle begins again …

See alsoEdit

NotesEdit

  1. For example, Pen and Pin. Traits at birth were not kept throughout life.
  2. Maths time!
    Over the course of human time, the average amount of days in a century averages at around 36,525. Here is one that guarantees more accuracy: the time that Earth revolves around the sun is approximately 365.242199 days. This means that in an entire object cycle, there are 36,524.2199 days.
    In other words, one million objects must be (re)cycled in the course of this time period? How often do objects regenerate?
    Well, it is necessary to first set this up as an expression: [ 1,000,000objects · 36,524.2199days ]. This equals 27.379 objects born every day. How does that work?
    27.379 objects per day = 1.1408 objects per hour = .0190132 objects per minute = 52.595 minutes per object.
    Thus proves that every 52.595 minutes an object is recreated.
  3. For example, Spongy. He developed faster than possible and by his first birthday he was able to speak in complete sentences, albeit in a Hulk-like syntax. Of course, there are exceptions, like Cil who stillacts like a young child.
  4. The top 20 most common nationalities at CIDCFIS are as follows: Indian, Chinese, Indonesian, Nigerian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi, Brazilian, American, Ethiopian, Russian, Egyptian, Congolese, Japanese, Iranian, Kenyan, Vietnamese, Turkish, German, Filipino and Tanzanian.
  5. Until 2006, this school used the British school system until an intervention caused it to become American.
  6. For example, Pencil and Match skipped a year from Grade 9 to Grade 10.
  7. The practice of grade-skipping and delaying is usually done at the teacher's recommendation or discretion.
  8. It is a sad fact that today, Kenya is one of the most homophobic countries in the world. And I am not personally homophobic.
  9. For example, Match. Despite being in a relationship with her stepbrother who is not even blood-related to her, it is still categorised as incest.
  10. Of course, this is different from in the human universe: people meet their future partners usually after they are 18. But as most object show creators are young, their views on romance come from television, where high school is a place to solely make out and live together forever.
  11. It's almost like a series of questions: Do you want to be in an object show? Do you want your wife to be in an object show? Do you want both of yourselves to be in object shows? Separate or together? etc.
  12. I have to censor this because there might be kids reading this some time in the far future and I entrust solely their parents to give them the "birds and the bees", not some Internet site.
  13. Usually, there must be two of them. But there are exceptions for polygamous relations and single parents.
  14. What's interesting is that the word "gynaecology" comes from Greek roots that refer to "the study of women". But as there are two objects involved in the creation of a child, this is called "goneology" from goneis, meaning "parents".
  15. Basically, like the one Olaf had in Frozen, but with thunder and the occasional lightning bolt.
  16. I say this is popular in the human world because most object show characters have less-than-normal names. Just remember BOTO's Big Orange Chicken!
  17. It's sad that children of interspecies parents don't have object shows for humans to watch. If this were the 1960s, it would change their opinion on interracial marriages.
  18. This is done by rich people who feel human names > indigenous object species names. In America, the name (Hi)sayo hadn't been in the popularity charts since 1924, and (Yo)s(h)io was ranked #12,261 in 2001. In 2002, Citlali was ranked #962, yet Javier had 157 male names be more popular. In 2004, Yaretzi and Zorah were both out of the top thousand. Salvador and Ximena both ranked in the 300s in 2005, and then there's the exceedingly rare Qalam-Rassas and Cil (taking from the common style of species names - it was the mother's intentions).
  19. For example, Bubble, Flower, Woody and Bow.

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